The sun will come out, tomorrow!

A few nights ago as I was putting Gabe to bed he seemed grumpy so I asked him what was wrong. He said he didn't want to go to bed. I told him that it was okay and tomorrow would be a great day. Then I started singing "The sun will come out, tomorrow - but ya gotta hang on till tomorrow" I got through a whole verse and then gave him a kiss and he said "MOM?! - who teached you that?" I laughed and said it's from a movie called "Annie". Then it struck me that none of my kids had ever seen Annie and that made me sad. I promised him we'd watch it someday and added it as a priority on our summer to do list. Almost every night since then Gabe and I have sang this song together and he now almost knows it by heart, it is so cute. Tonight, I went downstairs convinced I'd find this movie on VHS down there somewhere and there it was, right on the bottom shelf. The boys and I skipped chores, got out tv trays and snuggled up downstairs to watch it. I'd forgotten how much I must have watched this movie as a kid, I know it's been at least 15 years since I've seen this and I still knew every single song by heart. I'd also forgotten how risque Carol Burnett's character was, she ran around in her skivvies for practically the entire movie. Weird. The boys LOVED it though, it really surprised me how intently they watched and Sam and Gabe were fascinated by Punjab at the end as I always was too. I just loved it when he rescued Annie and kicked Rooster down the bridge. Take THAT Rooster, you big meanie! Sam and Gabe both wanted to be Punjab as they were climbing into bed and Sam asked me to wrap his little white blanket around the top of his head (like a turban) so he'd look more like him. I told him it was time for bed but maybe tomorrow, to which he added "Oh yeah, then I can look for a big red crystal for the middle" HA!! I can't believe he noticed that. So so funny. He also noticed that Sandy "magically" got a leash in the middle of the movie and said "Mom, how did Sandy get a leash?" I hadn't noticed that in all my childhood years - leave it to my smarty pants little 6 year old to figure that out right away! Joshua told me at the end that he KNEW that they would decide to keep Annie forever because that would have been so sad for her to have to go back to the yucky orphanage. It made me so happy to spend this time with them tonight, they are such good boys and I'm so so lucky.

As promised

I updated Joshua's birthday post with pictures (and I'm only a day late). For the record, I HATE scanning pictures. Blah.

9 years ago today....

I became a mother. Wow. Has it REALLY been 9 whole years?! I can't believe it, the time has gone so fast. I remember absolutely everything about Joshua's baby and toddlerhood. I remember going to the store for the first time without him and thinking to myself "I'm a mommy and nobody here even knows it" I didn't like that nobody knew it and to this day I still prefer to have my beautiful boys with me when I go places because I am so so proud of who they are. I remember coming home from work on the day before his first birthday, knowing that I didn't have to go back the next day (because Mark and I took the day off to spend the day with him) and taking him outside to eat popsicles to celebrate the first official day of Summer. I have pictures of him sitting on a little blanket on the lawn eating popsicles one after the other in his little white onesie with not a care in the world. To this day he still goes through life with not a single care in the world, just a knowledge that everything has a way of working itself out and there is no reason or need to worry. I.Just.Love.This.Kid. This boy has changed my life in so many amazing and wonderful ways. This boy taught me what absolute and unconditional love at first sight feels like. This boy has a spirit about him that everyone around him can feel and see. This boy, my son, is more pure and innocent than any other 9 year old I know and I am so so so incredibly lucky to be his mom. There are times that I look at him and wonder how I got so blessed that he chose me to be his mother and other times (many times) that I look at him and know that I absolutely don't deserve him. Happy Happy Birthday my sweet son. We love you so much and are so thankful that you are a part of our eternal family.

His story:

I went to the doctor about 3 weeks before his due date. The doctor checked me and was so surprised to find that I was "progressing" a whole lot more rapidly than he expected me to be. His exact words were (and I quote) "SO, we'll see you next week if we don't see you before then!" He had a little gleam in his eye that told me that he really truly believed he'd see me sooner. Just for the record, I think this should be against the law. It got us SOOOOOO excited to have this baby right away and we started preparing to have this baby ANY DAY.... yeah right. We showed up to the appt the very next week stuck at the very same place as the week before. Grr. Then again a week later. Double Grr. I told the doctor how unfair it was that he told me 3 weeks prior that I would have this baby and I STILL HAVEN'T HAD THE BABY!!! I think he felt a little sorry for me because he scheduled me to be induced on the 23rd (this was the 21st) Wouldn't you know it, the very next morning my water broke! I called Mark at 6:15 am and said, "I think we're having a baby today!" I could hear the smile on his face when he said "okay, I'll be right there!" I took some time to put on my make up and do my hair and was waiting for him when he got home 15 minutes later. Our hospital was awhile away and my contractions were getting a little stronger as we got closer. I remember being at the hospital by 7:45, having an epidural by 8:30 and after a few pushes delivering an absolutely amazingly beautiful baby boy at 2:10 in the afternoon. He had the biggest and most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen on a newborn and I felt more love surge through me when I held him for the first time than I had prepared myself for. I knew I would love him, but WOW, seriously WOW. The whole experience couldn't have gone more smoothly and I remember thinking people that said having a baby was hard were crazy because it was such a wonderful and easy experience for me. (This line of thinking didn't last long as my 2nd, 3rd and 4th babies were c-sections)

Anyway, we couldn't have been broken in any more smoothly than we were with this sweet kid. We just love him so much and are so so thankful for him in our lives.

on a slightly different note...sorry about the hiatus as of late. It seems I fall into this rut quite frequently. Where I update pretty irregularly on a regular basis until WHAM I kind of disappear off of the face of the planet for awhile. I have two reasons for this last gap. #1) This is my 100th post and I tried to take Lisa and Reagan's lead and write 100 things about myself for my 100th post....yeah, um I'm BORING! I got to 53 and I got nothin' left. (I decided that writing about my son's birth was a good substitute for my 100th post so that solved my little problem) and #2) our laptop's battery cable is going out and only works it seems when the sky is a certain shade of blue and the temperature inside is 72 and a half degrees. It is sooooo temperamental - so I've had to say good-bye to my late night posts and my comments on everyone's blogs as of late. I've got SO much catching up to do and hope to do so this week sometime!!! Hope you all had a great weekend! We had a fun day today celebrating Mr. 9!!! (I promise to add pictures tomorrow - I didn't have a digital camera when Joshua was born so I have to *gasp* scan them! Eek!)

I absolutely LOVE the above picture. Sweet sweet little Elise and my little surfer dude giving the "peace" sign. So cute!

I've always known that Will looks just like Joshua did as a baby but the picture above is KILLING ME! If I didn't have a date on this one I don't think I'd know who was who years from now. It is SO CRAZY!
Here are the first day of summer pictures I was talking about, I remember this day like it was yesterday, I truly can't believe 8 years have passed since then.

Doing better!

So sorry for the lack of updates as of late. Shar, David and I got home on Sunday night late and I've been playing catch-up the rest of this week! We had a WONDERFUL time in Phoenix which was a pleasant surprise as I wasn't looking forward to going at all. I didn't want to face seeing my mom in the hospital but I also NEEDED to go and see her in the hospital. I hated knowing she was stuck there while I was here, but the thought of going with my sister under those circumstances was so disheartening. I found myself wishing over and over that we were going to meet our mom for a fun girls' outing and not to see our sick mom in the hospital. We were trying to prepare ourselves for the worst and when we got there we were so pleasantly surprised. She was asleep when we walked in and Charlotte touched her foot and she opened her eyes, gave a huge smile and motioned with her hands for us to come hug her. So so sweet. She seemed so truly happy to see us and we were so truly happy to see her. She chatted with us all day and seemed a little relieved when we left for dinner that night so that she could sleep. We were on cloud 9!! Our mom was OKAY!! Then David, Mandy and Mike arrived on Friday morning and we went to see her and visited all day again. If she was relieved on Thursday to see us go I think a proper word would be ELATED to see us go on Friday night - she totally kicked us out (in a really nice, sweet way) I think we were wearing her out! :) As siblings we went to Chili's and to see Indiana Jones. It was so fun! We all came back on Saturday and watched as she seemed to get stronger and stronger with each day we were there. Saturday night we went to dinner at Lonestar Steakhouse with a bunch of the Arizona family...I want to say ALL the Arizona family but I don't want to leave anyone out! It was SO SO great to see everyone! Sunday was bittersweet as it was our last day AND we found out that she was getting surgery for her defibrillator on Monday which made us wish so badly that we could stay for that. It was SO hard to say good-bye. SO HARD. My heart felt heavy the whole rest of the night and I missed her the second I left the room. I'm so thankful that she is okay and that she is getting the proper care now so she can stick around for a LOT longer. I realized that I don't think I would function well at ALL without her. I just need her in my life simple as that and selfish as it sounds. I AM the baby after all, can't I be a little selfish - doesn't that come with the "baby of the family" territory? I told her that she was not allowed to pull a stunt like that EVER again. I hope she listened. :) What I didn't expect was how much of a good time I'd have with my siblings. Wow they are awesome people. I'm so lucky to have them in my life. We all bonded in a way that I will cherish forever. I have the coolest brothers and the best sister in the world. So so blessed! We took some great pictures. For all my family members out there: How many people you can name in the Lonestar Steakhouse pictures? :)

we took the picture above and both Shar and I said "MORGAN! You have to SMILE!" and he said "I DID!!" so then we took the picture below and he smiled bigger. :)

We had Mike, Charlotte, Mikele, Trent (Mikele's boyfriend), Corbin, Kyle, Kole, Morgan, Melanie, Jaron, Paige, Carma, Lamont, Chantel, Me, Shar, David, Mandy, Nathan, Teri (Nathan's girlfriend) and Malena!! SO SO FUN!!

My mom had the surgery done on Monday and it went well but was very painful. She is HOME NOW YAY! She went to the Dr. yesterday morning and threw up again so we are all still a little worried as to why. We really thought and hoped that her stomach issues had something to do with her heart and that they would go away when her heart was healthy again. We are still hoping that this was just an isolated incident and that she will continue to improve every day.

Shar thought a good caption for the picture above would be "my future's so bright I gotta wear shades!" I agree! The boys were supposed to do something silly but ended up just looking down at us. Party POOPERS!

Time to CHILL!

This morning I discovered a little something about my parental skills as of late. It is DEFINITELY time to CHILL. The following event is what led to this eye-opening discovery:

On Tuesday Sam went to school decked out in his cute little brown GAP zip-up hoodie since the morning was going to be chilly and the afternoon was going to be warmer. (see, I watch the weather! Maybe I'm not doing such a bad job afterall - ahh, if only it were that simple!) He got home and we chatted and went on with our day. Fast forward to Wednesday when the same scenario was about to unfold with the hoodie chilly/warmer day and to our surprise, the hoodie was nowhere to be found. Sam wasn't quite sure if he brought it home and I didn't remember seeing it on him after school. I sent him to school in a different jacket and made him promise to look for his hoodie and to ask the bus driver if he'd seen it. He got home on Wednesday with no jacket. When I asked him if he looked for it he said "oops, I forgot". Grrr. I got a little more agitated and expressed the need to FIND IT TOMORROW! The next morning I reiterated my previous request. PLEASE look for your jacket today Sam, we NEED to get it back. Sam asks "what if I don't find it?" to which I say, "I don't know, but you NEED to find it or you'll be in big trouble!" (let me interrupt here just to point out that I say this phrase a LOT...but mostly out of jest in a teasing-ish voice and truly didn't think my kids ever took me seriously - especially Gabe who almost daily says MOM! Det me some Milk or zyou doh-een to be in BIG TWUBBLE!) SO, we said a quick prayer, I kissed them on their head and they were off to the bus. When Sam got home I quickly noticed there was still NO JACKET. I said "no jacket, huh?" but I actually said it really nicely because by now I had figured it was time to just say good-bye to the hoodie. He looks at me with his huge eyes and his lips were literally trembling as he explained that he looked for it ALL DAY. He asked his teacher and the bus driver AND his friends and that one of his friends had seen it but he didn't remember when. I looked at Sam and said "Sam, guess what - I'm NOT mad at you, it's OKAY". To which he just completely fell apart. Tears were streaming down his face and as I embraced him I thought the following: Note to self: This is SAM, this is NOT JOSHUA, this is your child that takes EVERYTHING literally and THIS is your sensitive one. OH THE GUILT! I'm pretty sure I felt my heart break in half. I quickly explained that I understood that he did his best to find it and that is all I ever wanted. My words from the morning came crashing down on me like a brick wall. I told him he'd be in big trouble. Did I REALLY say that to him?! I really didn't mean it!! GRRRRRRRR. I told him that we would go together later in the afternoon and look for it and how proud I was of him for remembering to look. So, for the rest of the day yesterday I stewed over the fact that my poor 6 year old was at school all day worrying about a stupid piece of cloth and probably afraid to walk in the door of his own house. How could I do that to him?!!!! Am I really teaching my children what is important in life when I'm so worried about a $15 article of clothing that my child is afraid to come home?! Um yeah. Time for a MAJOR reality check. I HATE mommy guilt. UGH.

And wouldn't you know it, we FOUND it in the HOUSE about an hour later. We were both so excited and laughed and hugged and bigger hugged. Then later I took the boys to the Mall because Webkinz are buy one get one free. Yep. That is why. They are buy one get one free. It has nothing to do with the fact that I am a crappy mother NOTHING at all. Nope. Buy one get one free I tell you. BUY 1 GET 1 FREE!! We are now the proud owners of two new family members: Roary the tiger -josh, and Andy Clarin Cain the Leopard - Sam (the names of his pets just KILL me! He also has "Dexter the diving dolphin" and his frog is named "Decky." This morning after thinking about it all night I'm sure, he announced that his leopard was now not just "Andy" but Andy Clarin Cain! How cute is that?!)

So yeah, please take a lesson from me today and if nothing else take a second to CHILL and hug your kids. Lucky for us, I think they can sense we're doing the best we can and REALLY LUCKY for us, they are SO forgiving. I'm SO thankful for that. Sigh.

Update:

If you were quick and read this soon after I posted it, it has been updated twice. Just FYI. :)

I think my Aunt Judy said it best in one of her last e-mails so I'll just copy and paste. I hope she doesn't mind.

AnnaMarie is not doing well. Could not do angiogram this morning because her kidneys and liver were shutting down. The doctor at that point figured they were looking at open heart surgery once they could get her other systems functioning, which he predicted would take a few days at least. A few hours later they had succeeded at getting a good-enough look at her heart to see that there were no blockages, so that’s good news; the troublesome part of that is that there is now no explanation as to why it is not functioning sufficient to keep the other organs working. Arlene and Marian are still at the hospital and Charlotte and Mike will be there in a few minutes. Anna’s other kids will head down tomorrow. Vickie is on her way this afternoon (from Vegas), and Dan is making plans for Friday. The rest of us in Utah are in standby mode. Keep praying. Love, Judy

I just wanted to say thank you to our family and friends who have sent their kind words and prayers our way. I am so thankful for the Priesthood and the opportunity that my mom had to receive a blessing yesterday. Thankful to my Aunt who has made it possible for my brother and sister to fly there as soon as we can. Thankful to my Aunt who put her name down in the Temple and called to see if I needed anything only to realize I just needed someone to cry with for a minute. To ALL of my Aunts who have been there with my mom and helped in all the calling/updating/crying that has been going on since yesterday. So thankful to Charlotte who has made me feel the closest to being there with my mom as possible with her updates and love. So thankful to my cousin (Michele-you NEED a blog!) for calling just to see how I was holding up. Thankful for another cousin who has offered her home for any of us to stay in should we need more room. So so so thankful to all of you for loving my mom so much and for just being there. We are so blessed with such an incredible family. We at home are doing okay. Shar and I are flying out in the morning and I think David is coming on Friday. I have tried to keep my mind off of things by cleaning and organizing everything in sight. I'm now the proud owner of the cleanest refrigerator this side of the Mississippi. Cupboards, closets, junk drawers too. Spotless. Lucky for me, I don't think I could ever run out of things that need cleaning around here. Hmmm is that really lucky afterall?! I have told the last few people I have spoken with that I have cried enough for today and will possibly resume in the morning but for now, my quota is spent. I just REALLY REALLY need to see my mom.

I will try to keep updating as things come up. My Aunt Judy has done an AMAZING job with this though so it might just be double information. Please continue to keep her in your prayers. I have a good feeling now that things are going to be okay. I'm clinging to that and happy that I'll be there soon.

My Mom

Wow. It's amazing how quickly your life and perspective can change. It can take about 2 seconds, or just one phone call. My sister-in-law Charlotte called me yesterday to tell me she was on her way to the hospital. My mom took herself to the hospital on Sunday night and they called Carma on Monday to let her know that she needed to come down right away and wouldn't tell her why. We had absolutely no idea what was wrong or what was happening, or even if she was stable. Charlotte called as she was a few miles from the hospital and promised to call and let me know the second she found out what was going on. I really think that was the worst 15 minutes of my life. I cried, and prayed, and worried, and thought the absolute worst. Charlotte called to let us know that she was stable and talking and they were going to admit her and take some tests. She called again later to let us know that the Cardiologist had been in and said that she may have suffered a heart attack 2 weeks ago and her heart has been getting weaker and weaker since that time. They are going to run a series of tests to see if there is any blockage in her heart and if so they will need to do bypass surgery. If not, there is also a possibility of putting her on a pacemaker. I absolutely hate that she is there and that I am here. I want to be with her so bad, I could scream. I hate that she was feeling sick in the first place and going through so much alone. I hate that I have no idea what is going on and what she will have to go through. I am SO thankful however, that she is getting the care that she needs now and that the heart attack didn't take her life away from me, as I know it so easily could have. I thank my Heavenly Father so much for the chance that I will have to see, hug and talk to her again, and I hope it's soon. I thought I'd update here for my family and those that know my mom and would like to know what is going on. Please pray for her to get better soon and call any of us (kids) if you need an update.